No bullets and three shots? What is baseball?

PGA Tour champions player Rick Garboski ran out of balls on the 13th hole of the second round of the Hoag Classic – he had hit a few in the drink and he gave away the rest to young fans – and found himself with a three-stroke penalty for multiple infractions.

Said Garboski, who finished with an 80: “Total rookie movement.”

Securities

• In the Duke Chronicle, in 1980, when the school hired an unknown basketball coach named Krzyzewski: “That’s not a typo.”

• AT Fark.com: “Green Bay Packers punish Rogers with 4-year, $200 million deal.”

you are growing man

Shaggy-haired Bruce Weber, who just resigned as men’s basketball coach at Kansas State, has revealed he won’t cut his hair until the NCAA punishes these seven programs involved in the 4½-year-old FBI wiretap case – six of whom will likely play in this year’s NCAA tournament.

In other words, you’re about to have some company, Cousin Itt!

You bet he’s got problems

Falcons wide receiver Calvin Ridley has been suspended for the 2022 season for betting on NFL games.

Obviously, he didn’t get express written consent from the official NFL betting partners, Caesars, DraftKings and FanDuel.

Make room, Pinocchio

Last week was not a good week to tell the truth, as a lot of pants spontaneously caught fire:

• MLB: We are canceling the first two weeks of the season.

• Seahawks: There are no plans to trade Russell Wilson.

• Wilson: My goal is to play my entire career in Seattle.

• Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov: We did not attack Ukraine.

Longshot U

If Longwood was the first team to qualify for the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament, please show up to claim your prize.

Collection

Tweet of the week

“If you’re a Seahawks fan, driving, listening to the radio and hearing about Russell Wilson…please don’t go off the road. Stop calmly, then react. —Washington State DOT, last Tuesday

Play ball!

“Starting April 7, MLB fans can start complaining again about slow play, the endless procession of relief pitchers, chains of strikeouts and walks, and all the balls on the ground. swallowed up by change,” Bob Molinaro, a former big league outfielder, wrote in his Norfolk Virginian-Pilot column. “That’s apparently the good news.”

Free game

Packers QB Aaron Rodgers officiated teammate David Bakhtiari’s wedding on March 5.

It’s unclear if Bakhtiari got the Rodgers rate, but the QB blasted the bridesmaids offside with a hard count.

speak the conversation

• Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle, on the Pac-12 and their ilk having 10-player all-conference teams: “A basketball team is made up of five players. Sure, it’s good to make as many players as possible feel special, but that’s why God created participation trophies.

• ESPN’s Dave Pasch, to the San Jose Mercury News, on working with Bill Walton: “He doesn’t talk to me before a game. He keeps it all for air, like when you don’t see the bride before the wedding.

Brick by brick

Russell Westbrook receives taunts from “Westbrick”. So does that make what he’s being paid this year — $44 million — a yellow brick road?

It pretty much covers everything

My five worst sporting moments in Seattle (not in order), from Gee Scott Sr. of KIRO Radio:

• Ken Griffey Exchange

• Gary Payton Exchange

• 2nd down and 1 (Super Bowl 49)

• The Sonics leave

• Exchange of Russell Wilson

The quotation marks

• Late Lions Hall of Famer Alex Karras asked to call a coin toss on a pre-match draw after returning from a one-year gambling ban: “I’m sorry, sir, I’m not allowed to play.”

• Former Minnesota forward Eric Magdanz, to the St. Paul Pioneer Press, recalling the game he scored a Gophers-record 42 points at Michigan in 1962: “I could have hit him and he would have gone.”

• TNT’s Charles Barkley, to ESPN Radio, on Packers QB Aaron Rodgers: “I think that’s the pretty girl you gotta tell her she’s pretty every day.”